The Mysteries Of My Predictions Explained
I have received a large quantity of e-mail in which I am asked the method by which I produce my predictions and also telling me how accurate they are.
Well, it's quite simple really, you will need;
an empty washing up liquid bottle,
a pair of scissors,
4kg of 24 ct gold, what? No gold? Well there's no point in me carrying on then, is there?
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Capricorn - Cancer
Capricorn -
This month Capricorn people all over the world will become amazing and explosive so be careful not to fall or anything or you might blow up.
Aquarius -
This is the month that Aquarius people get so bubbly inside that the begin to foam at the mouth, it doesn't matter though, just give a friend these ancient words to say and you'll be perfectly safe, until next year at least. The old forbidden words are 'ferme la bouche'.
Pisces -
Pisces will develop an strange obsession with cheese this month due to the blocking out of the moons final phase which will result in a reversed northern equinox.
Aries -
This is the time of year that Aries people like to fidget, mainly because it's such a cool word but also because of the fidgeting gene that has recently been discovered in a laboratory in Northern Canada.
Taurus -
Taurus people will be extraordinarily excitable this month due to the fact that the new Argos and Index catalogues come out around about now.
Gemini -
All over the country, Gemini people will be purchasing new toothbrushes soon so be sure to get yours soon in order to prevent a national catastrophe which would be known as the great toothbrush shortage of 2001.
Cancer -
The people of star-sign Cancer ought to stock up on their Christmas related items this month so that they can sell them to their friends and family next year and make a healthy profit.
Leo - Sagittarius
Leo -
The Leo people will lose their feet sometime soon, it's only for a small period, about an hour, but be ready all the same. If you are lucky then it will happen whilst you are asleep but if your not so lucky it will be when you're running across a motor way or train track.
Virgo -
Virgo are the lightest of all elements so it is best to keep sand in your pockets so as to ensure that people cannot steal you quite so easily when you are out shopping or whatever it is that you do.
Libra -
Libra people are going to feel for a while like dots, dots made from cotton. It is for this reason the you must keep with you a raincoat suitable for driving in at all times.
Scorpio -
Scorpio people are renowned for their expertise in papier-mâché so paper and flour would make a nice treat for any that you like.
Sagittarius -
Beware the jabberwocky, the claws that do this, that and the other and so on and so forth and such like.
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